a vanity of blogs, part 2

 So...coming up with updated terms of venery (TOV's) was much more challenging than I expected, but after some brilliant reader suggestions, much experimentation/editing, and some really terrible first attempts (e.g. a schmaltz of waltzes, a clove of vampires), I've compiled a preliminary collection of some modern day terms of venery for your reading and collecting pleasure, as well as some TOV composition guidelines (for the DIY'er):

1. Alliteration is good. Innuendo is better.
2. Adjectives tend to work more effectively than nouns.
3. Terms of venery are derogatory creatures by nature. They do not lend themselves to positive connotations easily, and when they do, the end result seems a little trite. (There are definitely some exceptions to this rule, and I've tried to include a number of neutral and positive TOV's in my collection.)
4. Successful TOV formulas include: IdR + N = TOV and eg + N = TOV [IdR=indirect reference; N= noun; eg= exempli gratia]. Results of these formulas include: mytacism + Hanson fans = "a mytacism of Hanson fans" and flutterby + spoonerism = "a flutterby of spoonerisms."

Hopefully these will inspire you to come up with your own terms of venery. If they do, please post them in the Comments section!                                                                                                                              

Terms of Venery 101:

 

**a promiscuity of Cougars**

**a stool of barflies (when seated)**

**a hover of barflies (when congregated outside a drinking establishment)**

**a suction of octopuses**

**a desuetude of dodo birds**

**a whimpering of pundits**

**a sanctity of side-hugs**

**a twittering of tweens**

**a despondency of uSingers**

**a mundanity of status updates**

**a glittering of vampires (when in the sun)**

**a flutterby of spoonerisms**

**a progeny of pogonotrophers**

**a sloth/slueth of baldheads** (Bears love baldheads, so I thought they should share a TOV.)

**a penetration of analrapists** (Bless you, Arrested Development.)

**a maladroitness of mockumentaries**

**a mytacism of Hanson fans**

**a cliche of platitudes (or should it be a "platitude of cliches"?)**

**a belig (soft 'g') of abbrevs** (if u dont know this obvi abbrev for 'belligerence,' u make me want 2 vom)

**a fingerstache of  tatts** (the use of 'fingerstache' implies that the tatts are of an "ironic" nature)

 

Reader's Terms of Venery:

**a treachery of potholes**

**a desperation of blind dates**

**a proliferation of blogs**

Terms of Venery I'd Like to Take Credit for:

**a shudder of clowns**

**a charm of lullabies**

**a vanity of blogs**

**an enterprise of Trekkies**

**an eclipse of socialism** (one of many inadvertent terms of venery penned by Amanda McKittrick Ros)

a vanity of blogs: Venereal Terms (of Endearment)

Tens of readers: "So, Allison: you've told us all about your predisposition for distraction and admitted your enthusiasm for the reverse mullet and erratic capitalization, and that's really cool and whatnot, but why 'a superfluity of nuns'?"

Good question, tens of readers! Unfortunately, it's a question without a concrete answer, so I'll just wave vaguely in the direction of my general affection for venereal terms and nuns. (Yes, you read that correctly. Reason #3 to read this blog: sentences in which words like 'venereal' and 'nuns' shack up in a legitimate way.) 

Tens of readers: "What is a venereal term, anyway? Is that what Glenn Beck was referring to when he said that "the Ganges" sounds like a disease?" (No, but they are related to my opinion that Glenn Beck is a whimpering of pundits.)

Collective noun: A word used to define a group of objects, where "objects" can be people, animals, emotions, inanimate things, concepts or other things (e.g. a pack of cards, a range of mountains, a round of drinks).

Terms of venery: Collective nouns that are specific to certain groups of animals/people.

Terms of venery were first used by medieval English sportsmen, who invented hundreds of collective nouns and used them as a sort of secret code that distinguished them from the yeomen and general riffraff. Learning these terms eventually became part of a gentleman's formal education, because the rules for using these terms can be extremely complicated: for example, a group of geese on the ground are referred to as a "gaggle," but in flight, they are known as a "skein."

Even in medieval times, the coinage of venereal terms was an invitation for social commentary and cleverness. Within the category of terms for groups of animals, if you skip over the more conventional "school of fish" and "flock of sheep," you'll find a murder of crows, a kindle of kittens, a lounge of lizards, a murmuration of storks, a shrewdness of apes, an ostentation of peacocks, a charm of hummingbirds, an ascension/exaltation of larks, a gam of whales, and a piteousness of doves.

Even less well known are the terms the medieval sportsmen invented for people, which include a skulk of thieves, an observance of hermits, a multiplying of husbands, an incredibility of cuckolds, a safeguard of porters, a stalk of foresters, a drunkenship of cobblers, a malapertness of peddlers, a blush of boys, a nonpatience of wives, a superfluity of nuns and a herd of harlots.

Some of the most famous literary terms of venery include a "comedy of errors" and a "sea of troubles" (Hamlet, Act III, Scene I), but contemporary writers continue to play the Venery Game (George Plimpton: An om of Buddhists. Neil Simon: A mews of cathouses. Kurt Vonnegut: A phalanx of flashers.).

(This is the part where audience participation comes in.) My question is this: How can we update the list? What are some modern day groupings that need a term of venery? MILF's? Blogs? uSingers? Gingers? Vampires? Apps? Mockumentaries? Analrapists?

My next post will (hopefully) be a compilation of some of my ideas and lots of your (yes, that means YOU!) suggestions!